hi, i’m nuri. this is where i’ll post things i’m working on (when i remember to) — whether its music, or musings, or fiction, or video, or live events, or whatever comes next. if you want to follow along, it’s free, or you can choose to pay. you don’t get anything extra if you pay, but you help support me to keep doing the things, and i appreciate it. 💕
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Recent posts
miranda comes to life
i’m so excited, y’all.
the world is on fire, i’m making no money, i can’t pay my bills, the prospect of my becoming stateless is feeling more real than ever before in my life.
but i’m fuckin’ fired up.
new energy for old projects
i started writing a new blog post last week, and then never finished it.
i’m not really sure where i was going with it — and i’m not sure at this point i find it’s worth going back to.
the best parts of my practice lately have come from serendipity, from leaning into chaos energy, from allowing the flow to take hold.
i need to do some updating
this is (one of the things) what’s gotten me stuck in the past. i published this site and i already feel like i need to make changes. my, for lack of a better work, “practice” is not necessarily what i thought it would be, and i can see it shifting.
i feel like i should go with that flow, but also without letting go of the things that give me joy.
fucking taxes
i haven't had the energy to / prioritized posting here lately (i feel like i say this a lot) .
i'm sitting with my anxiety tonight. i know if i go to bed now, i will lie awake and stare at the ceiling with my thoughts spinning from subject to subject.
more on marai (finally), part 5
hiya! now that i have zero paid subscribers, i have even less idea who's been visiting and reading this blog / process / shitshow. over the weekend i was thinking how i really would like to get back to this story, so i figured i'd continue sharing it in the hopes it would spur me to keep going. if you want to see the whole thing i've shared so far, you can visit this collection.
today was a lot. it’s been a lot a lot
today was a lot. it’s been a lot a lot lately. today i had to (as usual on a workday) get my kids up and ready for school, and out the door (juuuust) in time for the bus. i had a staff meeting, and then a doctor’s appointment — i forgot to eat.
been a minute
it's been a minute since i posted here. sorry? (aside: i'm remembering the first time i heard the expression "been a minute" and i was so deeply confused when the person said it cuz i was like "it's been months, what *are* you talking about?!")
unworthy
I was planning on writing earlier today. I had the urge. As soon as i got it, i saw some things that triggered deep feelings of unworthiness. Like, everyone else writes, and puts more effort into it, more craft, more time, and is more deserving — and why do i bother, what do i have that’s worth saying. I’m just a trash person with trash opinions.
liberation now
I’m probably not the first to say this, and i don’t claim this as original thought, but: to realize a liberated future, we must live a liberated now.
There is a fair amount of privilege behind even being able to conceive of such a thing, and, for survival’s sake, our ability to hew to this mantra varies wildly from individual to individual.
i started writing a thing today
i started writing a thing today. it's largely autobiographical, it seems. at least so far. i don't know if i'm going to finish it, but it started from my spinning thoughts as i was going to sleep last night. i had this urge to try to explain all the places i'm coming from. all the things i've experienced that led me to where i am now, what i believe now, what i'm working for now.
documenting the mundane
I haven’t posted in a few days. I’ve been busy / didn’t have anything i really wanted to say. I did want to lean into the idea of documenting the mundane, instead of censoring myself and attempting to focus only on the things i think will be interesting to other people to hear about.
on a lighter note
due to a common typographical error of mine, i appear to have discovered a new subatomic particle…
do i have something to say?
on one level, i didn’t do much yesterday.
i didn’t leave the house.
i didn’t do laundry.
i've got a meeting in eight minutes
i've got a meeting in eight minutes. i've been going since about 7am. a bit before if you count rolling out of bed to take a shower. my kids have been on a kick of getting up early lately, which is kinda great on one level but i also enjoy being warm and cozy in bed.
revisiting marai - ok, reijishiin (or however i spelled it), part 4
There's been a little voice in the back of my head for the pst few days / week or so urging me to get back to work on this story, but also i'm not really feeling it in this moment right now, so — i'm going to share another part in the hopes that it spurs me to write about what's next. i have somewhat of an idea, and it involves (SPOILER ALERT) the main character and someone who — as of the part i'm posting below — hasn't been introduced yet, posing as serving staff on a cruise ship in order to sneak their way past immigration officials to find her daughter. then some more shit happens, i haven't really fully thought through beyond that.
i'm tired, but i'll keep going anyway
i'm tired of always striving. of having to meet other's expectations, while having no expectations of anyone else.
i feel like i'm not alone in this feeling. though it feels very isolating. i keep reading about how isolated people feel right now, and in some ways i think we all make it worse sometimes. but also there is this feeling of needing to protect ourselves.
and the day came
i wrote a thing. it might be awful. it might be a really shitty take. i might someday learn to share my work without preamble, BUT NOT TODAAAAAAY! 🤪
EDIT: I wanted to add a credit and link back to a piece that inspired this, by Esther Alter, who I would like to thank for permission to credit her.
and the day came
more of marai (or whatever), part 3
i thought i had already posted something today, and then i realized i hadn't 🤣
i'm still kind of recovering from covid, so i'm not quite 100% and ready to work on new music yet, and i didn't feel inspired to work on writing today — frankly, my day job kind of took over big time today, starting right at the jump (which is saying something when you work from home).
quick update + more uke stuff
so, i've decided to skip that grant application this time around. i don't feel like i have a work that neatly fits their guidelines, and i don't want to try to shoehorn something i've got into a place where it won't fit — which is kind of a relief, because i really just want to focus on making that piece the best version of itself it can be, because it's kind of important to me.